A father's plea to God!

Dear Lord I humble myself before Thee.Though I don't deserve your mercy or grace, as I'm a sinner.Dear Lord I've made so many mistakes in my life, have ignored your voice timeless occasions before and has hurt you so much.Yet I plea as Your child.All I ever wanted to do was live this life and find happiness. I carried on like I was living for myself, was hard - headed and plain stubborn. Then you blessed me with two beautiful kids, whom I should take care of as you would want me to.Now I beg You to, give me the insight and wisdom to do right by them. It's only when you hold them in your arms for the first time, or see them smile, that you realise just how special and precious they really are . I've tried my best to be to them a loving and caring dad, as you have been to me all my life. Knowing that You'd forgive me for my sins, would catch me if I should stumble or fall, comfort me in trials and tribulations and yet never judge me.My life became one, I live only for them, yet I still fail them . I'd invest all I have in them and all I would want is to see them happy and being loved. No one matters more, when you watch them sleep and feeling safe and secure because they believe their father will take care of them.I don't ask for wealth or material things dear God, all I want is to be able to see them grow up and being their for them, when life's aches and dissappiontments hit them.Even more I plea that you give them eternal love for each other.That they will carry each others pain when I'm no longer, dwelling on the surface of this earth.That they will be each other's rocks.That they will grow up to be brother and sister in Jesus Christ also.Nothing would please me more than to see them, going g to church together on a Sunday and staying and praying together as a family.If ever they'd want to repay me;that will be the biggest reward they could give me.I hide the pain I carry inside , to ensure I don't project it on to them.I cry in silence and pray to You, knowing I don't deserve; You listening go me even.Why did I have to be so lucky :to be blessed with two beautiful kids, totally leaves me gobsmacked. I've never done anything for you to deserve such blessings.Whatever I've done wrong in this life, whatever I will do wrong in future, I pray that you punish me, but keep them under your wings.Never did I knew you could love this way. I pray that I will exchange the temporary for the eternal before them both, yes I know it's Your will and whatever You do is perfect, but I will not be able to breath , knowing they're not close to me.I ask that You also give me the firmness to discipline, them when I need to, cause they've creeper so deep under my skin.I will, die a thousand deaths to make sure they live their lives the way You intended for them, but I know You've already died for all our sins and that all we need to do is come to Your cross and find salvation.Shower me with Your blessings that I can provide for them, the way You want me to.I write to you because you know it's how I find it easier.When I've been at my lowest and ready to give up, I just needed to take one look at either or both of them and I would break down and weep.Weep when I think what they will do when I'm no longer there.Who will they be able to talk to and share their hope, dreams and future with.Yes I know they'll always be Yours and You just borrowed them to me, I still love them more than anyone or thing I've ever had.I stare ahead into the the very distant future and think, how will I ever let go of them, I just love them so much.Lord alone, I can't even begin to protect and provide for them . Lord I'm weak, You know me better than anyone.Hence I ask You take my weaknesses in Your hand and keep me strong.Strong enough to let You speak through me to them.Dear Lord don't ever let them go through darkness in this world.Never forsake them in their hour of need.Keep us together as a family for as long as You want to. AMEN

Sold out tears!

As the dust settles in the golden sunshine of our beloved South-Africa. I bow and salute the heroes that paid the ultimate price, to nurture the land of freedom.I suppose it was intended to make all live in happiness and harmony. Well twenty years on, I'm sure thei're crying in their graves appalled by the course of our country. As in their struggle , they fought as if it's always gonna last and as if the result will bring us all closer to the proverbial "Heaven on earth".Well if this is that "heaven" we live in today, than I'd never want to get close to hell. Our politics are more corrupt than that first world countries, our people endure more atrocious economical conditions than, countries in the poorest parts of Africa.The people we so excitingly and hopefully voted into power, are now using us as pawns, on their way to building dynasties for the families. Forgotten are the pain and blood, that carved the paths of unity.We become more devised daily, all in our quest for wealth, because suddenly we believe we immortal, hence we need to accumulate all the wealth we can devour, sometimes at the expense of the poor and normal South - Africans. Have the powers that be suddenly forgot that not too long ago they were also, living from pay cheque to pay cheque, queuing in lines to get loans, just to put food on the table.? Now they use fancy names like; Micro economics, Moving left or volition exchange Rate, to inflate food - prices and making impossible for the poor(or their fancy words"overindebted".We the working class are hoping everyday on a better day tomorrow,in the process setting us up for failure and dissappear mentioned. O! Why my beloved Politicians are you selling us, the helpless and poor working - class out to the unscrupulous and vindictive:Capitalism? My tears have gone from hope and bravery in the apartheid - era, to despondency and hopelessness today.We can only bend our knees and pray with sincerity, that God The Almighty will save us this time from this predicament.

Forgotten memories!

That Sunday in February 1992 ehen late President Nelson Mandela, was released, is still vivid in my memories. Irecalla certain symbolic feeling of ffreedom amongst the majotity and perhaps becoming of sanity, to a minority. Theruling regime finall stopped pinching themselves.The rrealisation that, the natural order be restored, came more as a relieve to them, then the opposed.Im sure ghey spend days and even nights on end, tryi g to figure out how to suppress the vulnerable freedom seekers, for the years to come, with the impending hate that accumulated, over the decades. Even scarier more, was the fact that a more intelectually culture were cultivated, by the exiles, getting quality education abroad and with it bringing back more skills than their aging incumbents.Its one thing to suppress the uneducated mass, but impossible to deny intelectually creativeness to vanish, and its immortal. They could face amillion soldiers from the freedom fighters, but Iit was impossible to fight a thousand, intellects with, world classdegrees and hounours behind their name.We as children just wanted to run around and eenjoyed our little freedom of running unsupervised on a Sunday afternoon and being able to maximise our mischief, while our parents, celebrated their and our freedom for the first time.Not grasping the significance of the occasion, we were inattentive and casual about all that happened oround us.We took different memories from that day, Its years later that I finall am able to shed a tear, when realising just how that day, changed the landscape of our county and indeed the world forever. For in a day, roles were reversed with one man's release. Suddenly the villains assumed the role of heroes and degraded their persecutors not to the in humane suffering they endured but to, companions and compatriots of a country, given by God for all to share.So back than the late Brenda Fassie'S"My black president reverberated for daysIin our mind, today, I interconnect, the speech of the greatest freedom fighter, that didn't live to taste a day of freedom he dedicated his life for;Dr Marthin Luther King, saying in his world renowned speech "I have dream"?.......I dream of freedom.So many wonderfull memories on a journey we paid so deer for, forgotten, through thepprivilege it brought.Likewise we too often

BITTER PAIN THE FUEL,THAT DRIVES THE VEHILCLE CALLED LIFE!

LIFE IS A MYSTERY WE NEVER NEVER TRULY UNRAVEL.SO MANY PATHS AND LAND TO EXLORE.IS THERE EVEN A DESTINATION TO THE JOURNEY,THAT WE INVEST OUR LIFE'S IN?IVE OFTEN WONDERED WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER TO PURSUE A SEEMINGLY HOPELESS CAUSE;WHICH IS TO FIND HAPPINESS OR AVIOD ITS PAIN AND HEARTACHE?NEVER HAS IT HURT ME MORE THAN CURRENTLY IN MY LIFE.THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE THE HAPPIEST TIME OF MY LIFE,WHEN DECIDE TO WALK DOWN LIFE'S AISLE,WITH THE WOMAN I LOVE,TO OUR ETERNITY.HOW LIFE MAKES UP ITS OWN RULES,WITH TOTAL DISREGARD AND CONTEMPT FOR THE STATUS QUA.INSTEAD IT BRINGS FOR ACHES AND TEARS TO RPLACE THE FLOWERS.DO YOU SIMPLY OBLIGED AND WAVE THE WHITE FLAG AND SURRENDER OR DO YOU STAY AND FIGHT FOR THE EXISTENCE AND SURVIVAL OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS?MY SOUL ARE CRYING OUT INVANE FOR HELP FROM THOSE THAT STOOD BY MY SIDE THROUGH MY HAPPIER DAYS,FAILING TO HEED MY CALL OF DISTRESS.THOUGH I KNOW MY MAKER IS ALWAYS BY MY SIDE,I ERR ON THE HUMAN FALLACY,OF ALWAYS BELIEVING MORE IN WHAT WE CAN SEE.MY HEART MAYBE BROKEN RIGHT NOW WITH NO-ONE TO TALK TO,BUT MY SPIRIT IS UNWAVERING IN ITS PURSUE TO FIND TRUE HAPPINESS.THIS LIFE HAS BECOME,A LIFE OF AFFIRMATION.WHERE WE WOULD SELL OUR SOULS AND BEGRUDGE OUR BELIEVES,TO IDOLIZE AND TAKE TO PROPAGANDA.MY SOUL IS WEEPING,BUT IT WONT BE IN VANE.

Showers of blessings in a bitter society.

So as the heavens open above,i stare in aur and wonder if this is Gods tears or blessings that befall us?Our rainbow nation South-Africa has failed the most vulnerable so dismally lately.The ones God entrusted with the power to change the lifes of all,has acted so shamefully and inapropiate to be polite.Has humanity lost all sense of consciosnious?Have our hearts become like Pharoas'?Our children and woman are being hurt  in unimaginable ways.We step on each other on our way to endeavour our empire of wealth.We are so busy getting ahead that we are oblivious to apperant heart-ache and destruction we leave behind.People are dying of hunger in a country that portray economic freedom and social wealth globally.I stare at the rain as it sweeps all in its wake.Dams are overflowing and rivers are streaming jolly along.The trees are glowing and our farmers are elated over consequence of the showers from above.It is after all the middle of the rain- season in our country and while the affluent will rejioce over the eminent growth the rain will bring and the big harvest they will have this season,the very poor that work that crop will,hope they'll survive.Houses build to just survive no propper protection against the elements.Yet we continue as if we live only for ouirselves.We percieve the showers of blessings(rain) as only another way to complement our wealth.

Long journey to eternal faith.

So 34 years ago my journey to faith started.I've lived my life always,well aware of my faith and power from above.I'll be the first to admit that I've made some horrible choices in my life and always claimed to have faith.Now more than three decades,i wonder did i really have?So many obstacles in my life i had to encounter,all happening to lead me to me my inevitable journey and destiny with faith.Just how hard is the true transition?You constantly believe and you are never out of touch with the Lord,yet its always harder when you being tested.How vulnerable are us humans when we faced with an immediate threat,that we have prayed for days on end?Faith is perhaps the easiest to find but the hardest to hold on to.Adversity can break a man to piont where his spirit just wonders of to the mountain of despair and seek comfort in the arms of despondency-to be a man comes with so much responsibility and accountancy,that it'll be impossible to make it without faith.So i decided to prayer very hard to get my faith back that I've left behind who knows how long back.The Lord said he who believes shall achieve.Why i opted to put my faith in the hands of humans all this while,is beyond me.I mean the Lord created me and he planned my life,long before i met any man on earth.If all the mountains around should tumble i'll hold on to my faith and know it's the Lord's will.No shadow will be dark for my restless soul.Strange how age seem to make us this wise persons,when we're actually,just people who made alot of mistakes,to gain a bit of knowledge. Some are afforded the oppertunity to rectify and testify about them,while others have to pay the ultimate price...death.So even when it seems to be overwhelming and my spirit has seemingly abandoned me,i seek without ending to find and hold on to my faith.    

Long journey to eternal faith.

Aint no sunshine when its dark

So as the darkness came to over-shadow my life.I stumbled and fall.Didnt know what to do.Didnt know how to stand up.Every where i looked i couldnt see anything.My pain became unbearable,as i searched for some sort of consolation.All the world's knowledge brought me no closer to a solution.Why must we as people endure such pain i asked.The answer overwhelmingly clear and unambiguous;we bring most of it over ourselves,but even than the greater plan of our creator are at work.We tend to become self-preserving,thinking we can live this life without God.We believe we are immortal.I will not surrender to the pain and humiliation i have to endure,but will rather indulge in what God has instore.