A father's plea to God!

Dear Lord I humble myself before Thee.Though I don't deserve your mercy or grace, as I'm a sinner.Dear Lord I've made so many mistakes in my life, have ignored your voice timeless occasions before and has hurt you so much.Yet I plea as Your child.All I ever wanted to do was live this life and find happiness. I carried on like I was living for myself, was hard - headed and plain stubborn. Then you blessed me with two beautiful kids, whom I should take care of as you would want me to.Now I beg You to, give me the insight and wisdom to do right by them. It's only when you hold them in your arms for the first time, or see them smile, that you realise just how special and precious they really are . I've tried my best to be to them a loving and caring dad, as you have been to me all my life. Knowing that You'd forgive me for my sins, would catch me if I should stumble or fall, comfort me in trials and tribulations and yet never judge me.My life became one, I live only for them, yet I still fail them . I'd invest all I have in them and all I would want is to see them happy and being loved. No one matters more, when you watch them sleep and feeling safe and secure because they believe their father will take care of them.I don't ask for wealth or material things dear God, all I want is to be able to see them grow up and being their for them, when life's aches and dissappiontments hit them.Even more I plea that you give them eternal love for each other.That they will carry each others pain when I'm no longer, dwelling on the surface of this earth.That they will be each other's rocks.That they will grow up to be brother and sister in Jesus Christ also.Nothing would please me more than to see them, going g to church together on a Sunday and staying and praying together as a family.If ever they'd want to repay me;that will be the biggest reward they could give me.I hide the pain I carry inside , to ensure I don't project it on to them.I cry in silence and pray to You, knowing I don't deserve; You listening go me even.Why did I have to be so lucky :to be blessed with two beautiful kids, totally leaves me gobsmacked. I've never done anything for you to deserve such blessings.Whatever I've done wrong in this life, whatever I will do wrong in future, I pray that you punish me, but keep them under your wings.Never did I knew you could love this way. I pray that I will exchange the temporary for the eternal before them both, yes I know it's Your will and whatever You do is perfect, but I will not be able to breath , knowing they're not close to me.I ask that You also give me the firmness to discipline, them when I need to, cause they've creeper so deep under my skin.I will, die a thousand deaths to make sure they live their lives the way You intended for them, but I know You've already died for all our sins and that all we need to do is come to Your cross and find salvation.Shower me with Your blessings that I can provide for them, the way You want me to.I write to you because you know it's how I find it easier.When I've been at my lowest and ready to give up, I just needed to take one look at either or both of them and I would break down and weep.Weep when I think what they will do when I'm no longer there.Who will they be able to talk to and share their hope, dreams and future with.Yes I know they'll always be Yours and You just borrowed them to me, I still love them more than anyone or thing I've ever had.I stare ahead into the the very distant future and think, how will I ever let go of them, I just love them so much.Lord alone, I can't even begin to protect and provide for them . Lord I'm weak, You know me better than anyone.Hence I ask You take my weaknesses in Your hand and keep me strong.Strong enough to let You speak through me to them.Dear Lord don't ever let them go through darkness in this world.Never forsake them in their hour of need.Keep us together as a family for as long as You want to. AMEN